SKILLS  NEEDED  FOR ENHANCING  SPOUSAL RELATIONSHIP AMONG  FAMILIES IN BAUCH!  STATE NORTH  EAST NIGERIA

ABSTRACT

The major purpose of this study  was to identify skills neededfor enhancing  spousal relationship among families  in Bauchi  State.  Specifically,   the  study  determined   the  communication   skills, cohesion  skills, flexibility skills, factors  that could hinder the acquisition  of spousal relationship skills  by  spouses,   and  ways  of  helping  spouses  to  imbibe  relationship  skills.   Five  research questions  were answered  while five null hypotheses were tested at the probability of 0. 05 level of significance.  A  descriptive survey  design  was  adopted.  Area  of the study  was Bauchi  State  in Nigeria.  The population of the study  was made up of 1,779,112 married couples in Bauchi  State. Multistage sampling technique  was used to select  600 couples (300 women and 300 men) for the study.  Questionnaire  titled:  Questionnaire  on Skills Needed for Enhancing  Spousal Relationship (QSNESR),   and  Focus   Group  Discussion   (FGD),   were  used for  data  collection.   These  were validated  by five experts.  Internal  consistency   (reliability)  of  the  instrument  was  determined using Cronbach‘s Alpha.  Reliability  coefficient of 0. 917 was obtained.  Data were analyzed using mean,  standard  deviation, frequency,  and percentages.  The t-test statistics  was used  to test null hypotheses at  0. 05 level  of significance.   The findings  include:  39 communication   skills  [these include:  freely   express feelings   to  partner  verbally,   not  talk  down  on  partners’  relatives, observant  to know when partner is not in the moodfor long discussion,  observe change of mood of partner through  body  language,   express admiration  for partner];  18 cohesion  skills  [these include:   share   difficulties    with  partner,    strike   balance   between   mutual   dependence   and autonomy,   respect  the  level  of  intimacy/closeness partner  is  more   comfortable  with];   15 flexibility skills [these  include:  quick to adjust expectations from  spouse when these expectations are not being  met to avoid stressing partner,  willing  to adjust some  life  styles  to make partner happier, forgive  spouse without  too much  delay];  42 factors  that can hinder  the acquisition  of skills [these  include:  spousal level of education,  excessive  involvement  in social media networks, wrong perception  of gender  roles,  family  structure, form  of marriage,  age  difference   between spouses],  and 4 major ways  that could be used to help spouses to imbibe  the skills  they  need to enhance  their  relationships [these  include:  counselling,  reduction  in age gap  among  couples, mutual  respect should  be  encouraged].   There  was  no  significant  difference  (p  >  0.05)  in  the mean  scores  of the opinions of male  and female  spouses on the communication,  cohesion,  and flexibility skills neededfor enhancing  spousal relationships,  as well as with regard to the factors that  can  hinder   the  acquisition   of  the  skills   needed  for   enhancing   spousal  relationships. However,  there was significant  difference  (p < 0. 05)  in the mean scores of the opinions of male andfemale spouses on ways by which spouses could be helped to imbibe the spousal relationship skills.  Based  on  the findings  of the  study,   recommendations  were  made,   which  include  that: spouses in both Bauchi  State and any other community  in North-East Nigeria  should  learn from the findings  of this study  the indicators  of appropriate spousal relationship skills  to enable them better  assess  how  appropriate  the  actual  skills   they   are  using   in  their  relationships  are; curriculum  planners  should  make  use  of  the findings  of  this  study   to  improve  the  available curriculum   on  topics  about   the factors   that  can  positively  or  negatively  influence   spousal relationship for  peaceful  coexistence;   and  guidance   and  counselling  professionals   need   to include  the skills  identified  by this study  as some of the things they  teach spouses who visit them for guide.

CHAPTER  ONE

INTRODUCTION

Background  of the Study

Marriage   is  a  very   old  human   institution.   It  is  an  institution  principally   for interpersonal, intimate, and sexually acknowledged  relationship. Marriage  is also a lifelong union  between   spouses  (Anyakoha,  2015).  Since  marriage   is  an  engagement   between spouses, the relationship between such persons is called spousal relationship. Spousal relationship   can  be  defined  as  the  state  of being  married  voluntarily   for  life  or  until divorced (Haviland,  Prins, Walrath  & McBride  (2011).  The primary  objectives  of spousal relationships    are   companionship,    affection,   intimacy,   and   passion    for   one   another (Anyakoha, 2015). However, it may be interesting to note that as the spouses  come to live together, they begin to interact to show previously  acquired relationship  skills they possess.

Skills are abilities coming from one’s knowledge, practice and/or aptitude, to do something   well.   They   imply   competence   and  excellence,   expertness,   or  dexterity,   in performing  one’s tasks.  Green  (2011)  emphasized  that  a skill  is a proficiency,  facility  or dexterity  that  is acquired  or developed  through  training  or experience.  Other  connotations of the meaning of a skill include:  a special ability to do something  well arising  from talent, training  or practice; special  competencies  in performance,  expertness,  dexterity; ability  to produce  solution  to solve problems  in a domain;  cleverness  at doing something,  resulting either  from  practice   or  from  natural  ability;  ability  to  do  something   that  comes  from training,  experience  or practice;  ability  to use  one’s  knowledge  effectively and readily  in the execution  or performance  of tasks;  a learned power  of doing something  competently  in a developed aptitude or ability.

With  regard  to  spousal  relationships,  skills are  those  abilities  that  result  from  the knowledge,  practice  and/or  aptitude of each of the partners  in a spousal relationship.  They are  the  abilities  of those  in  spousal  relationships   to  use  their  knowledge  effectively  and readily  in  the  execution  or performance  of tasks  that  are related  to their  relationship  as spouses.   There   are   several   skills   necessary    for   enhancing   and   stabilizing    spousal relationships. There are skills to know when to pet one’s partner; skills to carefully present difficult  issues  to partner  without  making the partner  feel disregarded  or insulted;  skills to

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keep partner  in proper knowledge  of what is going on in one’s  life,  and so on.  Three of such skills (or abilities)  that  were  considered  in this study  are:  communication skills,  cohesion skills,  and  flexibility  skills.  The  choice  of these  skills  for  consideration   in  this  study  is because these skills are the most important skills needed for enhancing any relationship.

Communication   skills   in   spousal   relationships    are   those   set   of  abilities   or dispositions  that a spouse exhibits to show openness to the partner.  Examples  of such skills include:   cheerfulness,   politeness,   pen   and   direct   discussion   about   the  nature   of  the relationship.  Open and direct positive  communication is  such that  allows  spouses  to learn about  themselves  and  discuss  their roles  and  goals  while  expressing  love  and respect  for one  another  (Impett  & Peplau,  2003).  Bearing  in mind that  communication   is a complex process  that  involves both  skillful  sending  and  receiving  of messages  with  accompanied feedback  from  the  sources  (Olson  &  Defrain,  2006).  It  requires  speaking  for  oneself, listening  attentively, clarity  in messaging,  tracking  the topic, respect  and regard  to spousal communication  skills,  and others.

There  are  three  styles  of communication,  according  to  Olson  &  Defrain  (2006). These  are:  assertive,  passive,  and  aggressive   communication.  Assertive  communication involves  the expression  of thoughts,  feelings, and desires exactly as one wants.  Those who communicate   in this  way  have  some  personal  sense  of self-esteem,  self-confidence,  and determination    to   express   their   exact   opinions    or   feelings   without    fear   of  being misunderstood.   For  this  reason,   assertive   style   of  communication    enhances   intimacy between  partners. Passive  style of communication  is used by those  who are anxious about expressing   how  they  feel  or  what  they  think   or  want.  Those  who  use  this  style  of communication  fear criticisms  from others.  Finally,  the aggressive  style of communication is characterized  by the intent to blame, accuse, hurt, or put down another person in order to protect the self-esteem of the aggressor.  It is the style frequently used by those who want to get even with their partners  or friends: it enhances the aggressor’s feelings at the expense of his/her  partner.   These  styles  were  the  basis  on  which  the  communication   skills  were assessed in this study.  They are also related to the various dimension  of communication.

Two  major  dimensions  of  communication   skill  discussed  in  this  study  are:   self•

disclosure  and listening skills.  According to Oslon & Defrain (2006), self-disclosure  means

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speaking  for  oneself.  It  occurs  when  an  individual reveals  to  one  or more  people  some personal  information  and  feelings  that  they  could  not  otherwise  learn.  This  means  that without moments  of self-disclosure,  some partners  and friends may continue  to be together without  properly  knowing   some  personal  things  about  each  other.  On  the  other  hand, listening  skills,  as the  second  dimension  of communication  skills  discussed  here  implies attentive  listening  that requires  suspending  judgment  and spending  more energy  trying  to understand   other  people.  Thus,  to  enhance  spousal  relationships,   there  is  the  need  for spouses  to have the  self-disclosure skills to  willingly  disclose  their  feelings  and personal information to  their  spouses  without  waiting  to be  requested  to  do  so, while  also  being ready to patiently listen to their partners with the intent to understand, rather than to judge/condemn them.

Some  of the  things  that  facilitate  communication   between  spouses  are  closeness, flexibility  and time spent together.  On the other hand, the absence of all these are definitely detrimental  to spousal relationship  (Keymalaihen  & Maniani, 2008). This means that poor communication   is  linked  to  diminished  marital  closeness,  togetherness,  or the  degree  to which  spouses  engage  in activities together.  Thus,  poor  communication  leads to regressed relationship   (Carlson,  2011).  It  is  also  responsible   for  poor  expression  of feelings  and appreciation, whereas  good communication  can serve as facilitator  for cohesion  in spousal relationship.

Cohesion  can be viewed  to involve:  equality  of opportunity,  access, treatment  and service, engagement, participation, respect  for diversity, social trust, meaningful  interaction across  group,  solidarity,  and  collective  action.  Olson  (2011)  explained  cohesion  as  the balance between spousal independence and spousal togetherness. Cohesion is the emotional bonding between spouses have towards one another. Emotional bonding dimension is demonstrated   through:  emotional  closeness,  boundaries,  coalition,  time,  space,  friends, decision  making,  interest,  and  recreation  by  partners.  Cohesion  demands  spending  time together   to  improve  emotional   closeness   and  companionship.   Spending   time  together entails committing  a considerable  amount  of time  in sharing activities,  feelings,  ideas,  and enjoying  each  other’s  company  (Olson  &  Defrain,  2006).  This  means  that  each  partner must  show  some  commitment.  Commitment  is  the  desire  to  support  something  of value which  one  cherishes;  an  intense,  supportive  and  exclusive  relationship  based  on  mutual

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understanding  enduring over time (Hale, 2007). Commitment  could also mean the degree to which  an individual experience  long term orientation  towards  a relationship,  including the desire  to  maintain  the  relationship.  Emotional  bonding  by  spouses  is  measured  by  the degree of cohesion,  connection, boundaries  and shared interest in the relationships.

Too  much  closeness  in spouses  however  results  into  extreme  emotional  closeness and  dependence  on one another,  but too  little closeness  (separateness)  is  seen  in spouses who  exhibit  little emotional  closeness  for each other, which  impact negatively  on spousal relationship.  This  is because  in a situation  of too  little closeness,  members  are unable  to tum  to one another  for emotional  and practical  support  (Olson, 2011).  Spouses who share balanced   closeness   maintain   moderate   closeness   with   some   loyalty;   they   are   more independent.  Cohesive  spouses  also  exhibit  their  developed   individuality,  while  being supportive  and confident  in their relationship.  Lack of cohesion between  spouses results to burden  and  no  interest  in  the  relationship.  It  also  deepens  psychological   and  emotional wounds and pains with multidimensional effects  in life (Zarit, 2008). And, sometimes, only spouses who possess the flexibility skills can work hard to allow such wounds to heal.

Flexibility  is the  ability  of spouses  to  change/adjust  their  structures,  perceptions, views and positions when necessary  (Shritz,  2009).  This helps spouses to make adjustments to  the  total  system   so  that  each  can  cope  with  pressure.  The  concepts   that  describe flexibility    include:   leadership    control,   leadership   discipline,    negotiation    style,   role relationship  and relationship  rules by partners. The flexibility skills required by spouses are democracy  in  negotiation,  emotional  control  in  rules  and  roles,  and  in  decision-making process  on  issues  affecting the relationship.  With  regard  to rules,  spouses  learn to  make decision  and resolve  conflicts.  Besides,  they  should  have rules  and platforms  that  enable them to be able to protect their personal  interests  at all times.  Too little change (as opposed to real flexibility) exhibited by spouses does not enhance shifting or evolving in response to change,  whether  it arises internally through  individual  member’s  development,  or imposed by the environment  (Rahzozar, Yousefi, Mohammed  & Piran, 2012). On the other hand, too much  or too  frequent  changes  result  to inability of spouses to create  shared  agreement  to govern their own actions and interrelationship. This provides  spouses with no firm bases on which  to  stand,  whereas   moderate   flexible  changes  by  spouses  provide   the  basis   for democracy  in leadership  skills and role-sharing  between partners.

As important as the above skills are, the fact that needs to be considered  is that  as spouses  come to live together,  certain  characteristics  emerge,  depending  on their  families and  cultures  of origin.  Spouses  who  come  from  families  that  are  not  stable,  must  have experienced  instability from their root-homes  which  influences their behaviors in whatever relationship  they enter.  This  is  why  in intimate  relationships  such as spousal relationship, the  spouses  do  exhibit  varied  characteristics  just   as  women  and  men  inhabit  different cultures.  Thus,  most  men  and  women  hold  distinctive  standards  and  definitions  of their relationships,  and have  different  beliefs about  cohesion,  flexibility  and effective communication.   For   example,   while   most   women   may   prefer   emotionally    focused messages  that are specifically reassuring,  men may prefer  instrumental messages that focus on  fixing  problems  rather  than  expressing   feelings  (Burleson,   2003;  Olson  &  Defrain,

2006).

In Bauchi  State which  is  the  focus  of this study, the predominant  type  of spousal relationship  is the  one established  between  a teenage  female  spouse  and a  ‘by-far-older’ male  spouse,  which  is known  as child marriage.  Child  marriage  occurs  when one or both spouse  is under  the  age of 18  (UNICEF,  2011).  Most  times,  in child  marriages,  there  is usually  huge  age  difference  between  the  spouses.  The  age  difference  is  usually  so much that most of the male spouses could be grandfathers  to the young girls who are supposed to be  their  spouses.  Hence,  such  female  spouses  do  not  have  the  maturity,  experience  and skills to engage  in spousal relationships.  In several of such marriages  n Bauchi  State,  it  is common that the female teenage  spouse may be married  into a polygamous  family.  This is the  type  of family  where  a man  may  be  legally  married  to  more  than  one  wife.  Such  a family  is made up of a man,  his wives,  and their  children.  Anyakoha  (2015) noted  that  is type  of marriage  and the type  of families  that  result  from  it  have  a lot of disadvantages. These  include:  the  large  size  of the  family  which  creates  difficulties  in  controlling  the family members; family resources  may not be enough to provide  adequate  care for all the members   of  the  family;  worse  still,  there   is  always  rivalry,  jealousy,   and  unhealthy competition among  the wives  in their  attempts  to win their  husband’s  love  and attention. And, where the man fails to satisfy his wives sexually,  some of the wives  may [ and many do]  engage  in  extra  marital  relationships.  Yet,  in  some  other  cases,  the  teenage  female

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spouses are compelled  to marry their relations  as male spouses.  This is the form of marriage described  as prescriptive  or arranged marriage.

According  to  Bourdieu  (1972),  prescriptive   marnages  are  lineage-based.  In  this form  of marriage, potential  spouses  are sought  from specific  class  of the  society  or even from  among  relatives.  Sometimes,  prescriptive  or arranged  marriages  also  result  to  child marriages.   And,   with   the   few   details   provided   above   about   child   marriages,   it   is understandable,  therefore,  that  in the  course  of interacting  to  develop  their  life  style,  a typical  teenage  female  spouse  is  usually  unable  to make  meaningful  contributions  to the relationship  because  of lack  of maturity  to  appraise  what  is  going  on  in  her  new  home environment.  Worse  still,  some  of these  young  female  spouses  are  unable  to  look  after themselves,  let  alone  taking  adequate  care  of their  male  spouses.  Such  female  spouses usually  continue  to  depend  on the  guidance  of their  parents  as much  as when  they  were unmarried  and  under  the  roof of their  parents  (Okonkwo  &  Oha,  2004).  The  parents  of female   spouses   usually   assist  by  taking   charge   of  coordinating  the   activities   of  the relationship  between  the new  couple until when  the  female  spouse  acclimatizes  herself to the new home environment  and becomes  functional.

In some cases,  when the female spouse acclimatizes  and realizes the implications  of what the spousal engagements  are,  she adapts by accommodating  her husband,  performing her  important  roles  and  responsibilities,   becoming   tolerant,  working  together   with  her spouse  to  solve problems,  showing  considerations,   appreciation  and  love,  and displaying positive  attitudes  towards  her spouse  (Ejinkeonye,  2011). Unfortunately, this researcher’s observations  revealed  that in most other cases,  the teenage  female spouses are intolerant  of their  older  spouses.  They  communicate   hurtful,  disrespectful  and  disregarding  words  to their older spouses,  even while  some of these older spouses pamper  them.  Still  because  of the  age differences  between  the  spouses,  and  lack of maturity  on the part  of the teenage female spouses,  most of them are unwilling  to accept their older spouses to make cohesion possible;  while most of the older spouses are so rigid with their young spouses.  Most of the male spouses are not flexible.  Instead,  they issue orders and directives,  and do all they can to control and command their very young spouses under the assumption  that the young girl knows  nothing  and has no contributions  to make regarding  the decisions  and management of the home.  Where this  is  the situation,  the spousal relationship,  rather  than being joyful

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brings  sorrows  and anguish which  makes  it  impossible  for the female spouse to put in her best in loving and caring for her husband.  The consequence  is that the female spouse cannot play the  important roles or duties of a mother by being kind  and loving to the husband  as anticipated  by Ejinkeonye  (2011).  Such teenage  female spouses cannot  cope with demands of motherhood,  especially,  that of engaging  in sexual intercourse  at teenage  age with men old enough to be their grand-fathers.

Situations  like the  one just  described  are responsible  for inadequate  affection and intimacy  in spousal relationships  in the area of study.  They are also responsible  for lack of companionship,   poor   communication   and  generally   non-performance    of  marital   roles (Abdul, 2007). It is not in doubt a traumatic  experience  for a teenage girl to be in a spousal relationship  of no affection,  no  intimacy,  no companionship,  poor  communication,  and so on.  Such traumatic  experiences  usher  in degrees  of distraction  and unhappiness  especially for the female spouse.  This  is so because  early sex can result  to several health  challenges for the teenage female spouse.  This means that the type of spousal relationship  predominant in  the  area  of this  study  leads  to  situations  of bondage  both  for  the  inexperienced  and ignorant  teenage  girl  and  the  grand-father   spouse  who  has  basic  needs  to  be  fulfilled. Divorce usually becomes the last resort by the husband of the teenage spouse.

After  divorce,  the female  spouse  may be  faced with  moral and  financial problems and  duties  of catering  for her children  –  assuming  she was  able to  give birth  to  children before the divorce.  These duties are carried out usually through  the hard way.  Okonkwo  & Oha  (2004)  noted  that  in  some  cases  where  the  divorced  teenager  has  to  stay  with  her parents, the parents  maltreat and resend her as though she has had a communicable  disease. After  series  of misunderstanding   with  the  parents,   if the  divorced  teenage  girl  cannot endure the resentments  from her parents,  she may decide to leave the marriage and embrace a worse  alternative  of roaming  the night  clubs  searching  in vain  for the life she had been compelled  to loose (Okonkwo & Oha,  2004).

The  information  above  about  the  predominant   style  of spousal  relationships   in Bauchi  State  does  not  mean,  and  need  not  be  understood  to  mean  that  the  only  type  of relationship  that  can be  found  in Bauchi  State  is the one between  teenage  female  spouses and  older  male  spouses.  There  are  also  relationships  among  mates,  or those  within  age

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brackets. Emphasis  was particularly  given about the relationship  between  by-far-older  men and very  young  girls because  spousal  relationships  among  them  are most of the time the most   problematic.   Besides,   some   of  the   problems   highlighted   above   also   apply   in relationships  between spouses who are mates or who are within age brackets.  Most of these problems   result   from   lack   of  spousal   relationship    skills.   Thus,   spouses   need   the enhancement  of their relationship  skills.  To enhance spousal relationships  in Bauchi State is to try to improve the good qualities or values that are meant to exist among spouses.

Some  of the  factors  that  were  considered  in  this  study  are:  (the  wrong)  use  of communication   technologies,  family  structure,  form  of marriage,  level  of education  of spouses,  cultural  background   of spouses,  age  and  age  differences  between  spouses,  and culturally  stereotyped  gender  roles.  With  regard  to  communication  technologies,  it  is  no longer  in doubt that computers  and mobile phones,  for instance,  make people to spend less time with their families and friends (Chelsey, 2005; Garcia-Montes, Caballero-Muniziad  & Perez-Alvarez,  2006).  This  is why  communication technologies  were  considered  in  this study  as  a  factor  that  can possibly  affect  relationship  and  acquisition  and  utilization  of relationship  skills among spouses.

The  second  factor  to be  considered  in this  study  is  family  structure  or type.  The structure   of  a  family  is  nothing  but  the  descriptive   characteristics   of the  family.  For example, there are two-parent  families, single-parent  families, and non-parent  families. The first  refers  to  parents  who  are  married  to  each  other  and  living  in  the  same  household, whereas  the second refers  primarily  to families where  either  of the parents  is  absent.  No• parent  families,  on the other hand, refer to families where neither  of the parents or children lives in the same household  (United  States Federal Interagency  Forum: A child and family statistics,  2004). Another  way of looking  at family  structure  is from point  of view  of the distinction between  two  families:  monogamous   family  (between  a man  and  a wife)  and polygamous  family (between  a man and more than one wives). The second type of family structure  is the type that is more common  in Bauchi  State  which  is the focus of this study. For  this reason,  this  study  will  also  consider  whether  the  polygamous  structure  of most families  in  Bauchi  State  is perceived  by  spouses  in  Bauchi  State  as  a  hindrance  to  the acquisition  and proper utilization of the skills being considered  in this study.

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Perception  of gender  roles  is  a third  factor  that  can affect  the  acquisition  spousal relationship  skills.  Gender  roles  are  learned behaviors rooted  in the  social  context  of the particular  culture in which people grew-up or lived in. Gender role is defined as the socially constructed   and  culturally  specified  behaviors  and  appearance   expectation   imposed  on women  or men (Abubakar,  2012).  The  labeling  occur  at birth,  and  is  the  first step  in the process  of developing  gender  identity,  a  sense  of being  male  or  female,  and  what  that means  in the  society.  They  reinforce  misguided  notions  for  instance,  that  men  are  more competent  and rational than women.  These differences  in perceptions  of gender roles have huge and determining  impacts on how spouses perceive and feel about each other (Olson & Defrain,  2006).

The  question  of gender  role  differences   has  a  lot  to  do  with  the  fourth  factor indicated  above,  namely,  cultural  background   of spouses,  which  is a  factor  that  may be considered  to have the greatest influence  on human choices and actions.  Culture is made up of the values,  beliefs,  norms,  sanctions  and customs of a particular  group, people or society (Abubakar,  2012).  It encompasses  all socially acquired and transmitted  patterns of activities and the  objectives associated  with  it  including  language, religion, politics,  economic,  art, technological  values,  beliefs  and  social  organization  (Adedeji,  2005).  The  above  reasons are why every  culture  has major  influences  on men’s  and women’s  personal  lives,  social roles,  and even the skills considered relevant or irrelevant in relationships.

Education  is a vital tool for any developing  family (Okafor, 2010). A well-educated spouse  is taken to be equipped  with the ability to take  into account the changing needs  of her/his  partner   and  family  members.  This  is  why  level  of education   of  spouses  was considered  in  this  study  as  a  factor  that  may  affect  the  acquisition  of appropriate  skills needed in spousal relationships, notwithstanding  what the age difference  among the spouses may be.  Age and age difference  between  spouses  is the last factor to be considered  in this study.  Age  is considered  in this study as the number  of years that  a person  has lived or a thing has existed.  Farlex (2015) defined it as:  (a) the length of time during which a being or thing  has existed;  length  of life or existence  to the time  spoken  of or referred  to; or (b) a period  of human  life,  measured  by years  from birth, usually  marked  by a certain  stage  or degree  of mental  or physical  development  and involving legal responsibility  and capacity. This means,  that the age of a spouse is the number  of years such a spouse has lived from the

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date of birth to the moment he or she enters into a spousal relationship,  while age difference between  spouses  means the difference  in the number  of years that  individuals in a spousal relationship  have lived from their individual dates of birth to the date they entered into their relationship.  Based  on the  above,  it  seems  evident  that  when  a teenage  girl enters  into  a spousal  relationship,   her  age  as  a  teenager   (between   13   and   19)  predicts   that  she  is immature,  inexperienced,  ignorant,  or  still too  dependent  on  her  parents.  Hence,  Glenn, Uecker  & Love (2010) and Allendorf (2013) noted that age at marriage  is a determinant  of marital quality.

No doubt, the various ways these factors negatively  affect  spousal relationship  may warrant  that  these  factors  be  considered  as  some  of the  challenges  that  may  deter  the promotion  of appropriate  spousal relationship  skills.  These challenges need to be controlled to   curtail   their   effects   on  the   promotion   of  spousal   relationships.   Controlling   such challenges   requires   the  identification  of the  skills  necessary   for  more  lasting  spousal relationships  as well as finding out specifically which of these factors hinder the acquisition and utilization  of the skills needed for spousal relationships.

Statement of the Problem

Divorce is prevalent  in Bauchi State, the area of this study.  Available  data show this [News  Agency  ofNigeria  (NAN), 2015a;  News Agency  ofNigeria  (NAN), 2015b].  There is continued  free flow of divorcees from one part of the state to another,  seeking for greener pastures  or available opportunities  to re-marry.

It  is on record that  the  continued  high  divorce rate  in the  area  of study  area  had triggered  the Governors of Kano, Kaduna,  Zamfara  and Sokoto  states to assist as many as

3,000 couples by organizing  and contracting  re-marriages  (post-divorce) involving  some of the  divorcees  [News  Agency   of Nigeria   (NAN),  2015a].  The  Governors  paid  for  the marriage  rites and contracted  them accordingly. The couples so contracted  were given fifty thousand  naira  (NGN50,000.00)   each  in  2012  to  2015  as  assistance  (NAN,  2015a).  In addition, Muhammad  (2013) reported that on 18″ May 2013,  for instance, the Sokoto state government   conducted   a  mass  wedding  screening  which  attracted  the  attention  of both young  and  old  prospective   couples.  The  aim  was  to  contract  marriages  for  those  who wanted  to  re-marry.   Unfortunately,   the  chairman  of  Sokoto  Sunnah  Marriage   Council,

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Alhaji Aliyu Kofar-Rini in NAN (2015b),  reported that 20 out of the 125  mass marriages contracted  and  sponsored  by  the  state  government  in  January  2014,  have  collapsed. According to Kofar-Rini,  one of the reasons for the collapse of these re- marriages was the

‘incompatibility of the spouses’  but which can be better interpreted  as lack of appropriate skills for spousal relationship.

The  idea  of ‘incompatibility  of spouses’  implies  lack  of appropriate   spousal relationships.  It also implies that most of these spouses who are considered ‘incompatible’ do not possess  the  appropriate  spousal relationship  skills for making  such relationships work and last. This means therefore that the solution to the rate of divorce in the area of study does not lie in arranging series of mass marriages and contracting new ones for those whose marriages have collapsed. It is more reasonable to find out spousal relationship skills spouses need for better spousal relationships, hence this study.

Purpose of the Study

The main purpose of this study was to identify skills needed for enhancing spousal relationship among families in Bauchi State.  Specifically, the study determined:

1.    communication skills needed for appropriate spousal relationship among spouses in

Bauchi State;

2.   cohesion  skills  needed  for  appropriate  spousal  relationship  among  spouses  1n

Bauchi State;

3.   flexibility  skills  needed  for  appropriate  spousal  relationship  among  spouses  1n

Bauchi State;

4.   factors that could hinder the acquisition of spousal relationship skills by spouses  in

Bauchi State;

5.   ways of helping spouses in Bauchi State to imbibe relationship skills.

Significance of the Study

The  results  of this  study  will  have  both  theoretical  and  practical  significance. Theoretically,  the  study  confirmed  the  validity  of theories  which  argue  that previously acquired skills and cultural backgrounds determine human actions and relationships.  Some

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of the theories that were validated by the results of this study were:  Reiss Wheel Theory of Love,  Sternberg  Triangle  Theory  of Love,  Olson  Circumflex  Theory,  and  Abraham Maslow’s Human Needs Theory.

The practical  significance  is that  it  is  hoped  that  a study on enhancing  spousal relationship skills for healthy living by families will be of great importance  and would be received  with enthusiasm  in North  East Nigeria  and its  environs.  More  specifically, the results  of this  study  will  be  of great  benefit  to  spouses,  parents,  young  people,  the government in North East Nigerian states, and customary court judges.

The results of this study will help individual spouses become aware of appropriate indicators of spousal relationship  skills and issues, and to provide the tool to develop and maintain satisfying intimate relationships. Besides, the findings would make spouses aware and familiar with the skills involved in developing  and flourishing  spousal relationship. Awareness  would  be  created  on those  facts that  would  strengthen  relationship  such  as commitment,  flexibility and self-disclosure.  Those that would hamper relationship such as lack of closeness,  lack of democracy,  and persuasive listening would also be highlighted by this study to enhance the practice of good spousal relationship skills.

Family/Marriage Counselors will also benefit from the findings of the study because their  attentions  would  be drawn to the  indicators  of appropriate  spousal relationship  to determine the type of advice to give to spouses that are in crisis levels.  The finding will enable  the   counselors   to   advice  people   on  skills  required   for  promoting   spousal relationship.  It would also help the counselors  organize programmes  for spouses with a view to raising better society and less trouble. The marriage counselors would be able to identify the skills that promote good relationships.

The results  on the measures  to acquire and utilize  the skills to improve spousal relationships  would  be useful  to home-makers  to better run their homes  with  improved understanding of basic needs of the husband and become counselors to their children.  This is  because  when  these  home-makers  come  to  know  of the  skills  needed  for  spousal relationships, they will be better equipped to make even better homes as well as advice their clients or colleagues more appropriately. The study will further expose the counselors and home-makers to the skills that can strengthen spouses’ relationship.

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Curriculum planners would find the study useful in that it will draw their attention to the need to restructure the curriculum by incorporating those family factors influencing good   spousal  relationship   for  peaceful   coexistence.   When  the  curriculum   planners restructure  the  curriculum  to  give attention  to those  skills required  for developing  and flourishing relationships,  the formal educational  system will be more graciously accepted by the populace, thereby enhancing stability in the society.

The Federal Ministry of Women Affairs would find the results of this study useful. These results will enable the ministry develop and execute programmes that would help in achieving happy family living in the local government  areas,  States,  and Nigeria at large. The findings will also enable the ministry to embark on enlightenment campaign on how to educate people in general,  especially illiterate spouses on those factors,  and skills required for raising happy and stable homes.

Non-Government  organizations would use the results of this study to     assist the government  in trying to execute programmes  and to provide aids to families which is the bed rock  of the society. Non-governmental  organizations  would  also use the knowledge from the current  study to train experts to plan and execute programmes  for inculcating cohesion,  flexibility  and communication  skills in spouses  for betterment  of the  society. Presently there is a non-governmental  organization that is trying to highlight on the need for families to be in a harmony  in order to curb the effect  of broken  homes.  This has devastating effect on the members of the family.  The findings will therefore be relevant to the  programme  of the  non-governmental   organizations   such  as  the  World  Parenting Organization (WPO).

The  Home  Economists  would  use the  insights  from the results  of this  study  to advise married couples during non-formal education extension classes in the area of study. They would also use the knowledge of spousal relationship skills and the factors that affect their acquisition to help teach family relationships to their students in formal education with the emphasis  that the skills they teach have been practically proven to enhance spousal relationships.

The young people would also use the findings of the study to set standards they will use in running their own families with the aim of having a successful marriage life.  They

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would also guide the generation after them on the skills required  for appropriate spousal relationship.  They can do this by referring  them to the findings of this study as well as explaining to them how actually following the findings of this study helped improve their spousal relationships.

The findings of this study will also be of great benefit to customary court judges. This is because the judges that work in these courts are those that handle cases of divorce in towns  and villages.  Thus,  the results  of this study will confirm  some  of the  skills that spouses in these villages need to acquire to improve their relationships,  and if this is done, the stressful duties of these judges will drastically reduce.

Finally, the findings will provide empirical evidence which could serve as a guide to professionals,  administrators, community workers,  and researchers  in their effort  to help improve family relationship.  For administrators,  the result of the study will be of immense importance   for   organizing   conferences,   workshops   and  seminars   on   strategies   for improving  staff relationships  amongst  organizations.  For researchers,  the results  of the current study will also draw attention to some other issues that deserve their attention.

Research Questions

The study was guided by the following research questions:

1.    What  are  the  communication  skills  needed  for  appropriate  spousal  relationship among spouses in Bauchi State?

2.   What  are the  cohesion  skills needed  for appropriate  spousal relationship  among spouses in Bauchi State?

3.   What  are the flexibility  skills needed  for appropriate  spousal relationship  among spouses in Bauchi State?

4.   What are the factors that can hinder the acquisition of spousal relationship skills by spouses in Bauchi State?

5.   What  are the ways by which spouses in Bauchi  State  could be helped to imbibe skills to enhance their relationships?

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Hypotheses

The following null hypotheses were formulated for the study and each was tested at

0.05 level of significance:

1.   There is no significant difference  in the mean ratings of the opinions of male and female spouses on the communication skills needed for appropriate spousal relationship among spouses in Bauchi State;

2.   There is no significant difference  in the mean ratings of the opinions of male and female spouses on the cohesion skills needed to promote appropriate spousal relationships among spouses in Bauchi State;

3.   There is no significant difference  in the mean ratings of the opinions of male and female spouses on the flexibility skills needed to promote appropriate spousal relationships among spouses in Bauchi State;

4.   There is no significant difference  in the mean ratings of the opinions of male and female  spouses  on  the  factors  that  could  hinder  the  acquisition   of spousal relationship skills by spouses in Bauchi State;

5.   There is no significant difference  in the mean ratings of the opinions of male and female spouses on the ways by which spouses in Bauchi State could be helped to imbibe the skills to enhance their relationships.

Scope of the Study

The study was restricted to focus on some of the skills needed to improve  spousal relationship  among  spouses  in  Bauchi  State.  The  skills  studied  were  limited  to  three, namely,  communication  skills,  cohesion skills,  and flexibility skills.  Factors studied were: form of marriage, family structure, level of education of spouses, communication technologies,  cultural  background  of spouses,  culturally  stereo-typed  gender  roles,  and age/age differences  between spouses.  Polygamous  and nuclear  families were also part of this study.

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